To rebuild or start fresh

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis, 

What would you recommend for someone who wants to start over?

Thanks,

Worn Out in Lacey

Dear Worn Out,

I would say that I don’t think that’s possible. Can your life change to such a degree that you create a new life in a place where no one knows you and no one has expectations? Yes. Can you start over in a place where you are a different person? Not unless you have amnesia or do extensive internal work beforehand. When you just feel like the reset button for life to make sense, I think that’s when you should dig in and deal with it.

You see, the problem with the idea of leaving life behind is that you always take yourself along for the ride. All of the potential problems you have will still linger in your mind, and all the regrets and doubts will continue to plague you. 

We all have moments when we feel it would be easier to leave everyone and everything behind. We could just cut all the ties and start fresh. But the reality for most of us is a bit different. Generally, can’t leave and not look back. There’s too much history, too many relationships, and too many good memories luring us back.

This, I imagine, is the biggest challenge in something like witness protection – where a person has to leave for survival. If life has taken you from your past, but now that the struggle of that life is behind you, you may even start to miss it and try to seek normalcy. Even those people you fought with, you could start to remember fondly because they were a part of what made your life what it was in the first place.

Most of us enjoy our routines, and we enjoy predictability. And while we all also seek change to some extent, we long for that safe place to return to. A brand new life with all new people would feel like a bit too much to handle at one time. 

Clarity

So, for someone looking for clarity, I would recommend meditation. Things have gotten difficult for you, and you’re looking for an out, but the resolution will only come by working through the problem. Meditation is a wonderful way to gain perspective without adding additional opinions. It can give you a clearer, broader picture and present you with new solutions. And meditation does not need to be sitting in silence, it can be going for a walk and taking a step back from your life to pause and think about your everyday life.

I understand wanting to run away but consider the pain of staying away; that’s the part that would concern me. Additionally, consider the pain of your return. In most situations, we have to consider that someone else will always be affected by our decision, whatever it is, so consider who that person is and how they would feel too. 

If the stress level is higher, you should seek help. Like with PTSD, one recommended therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Build resilience from the normal stressors

It may feel like no one cares right now, but when you start to consider these other perspectives, your view of the world may start to shift. You’ll begin to see the value in sticking with it, and you’ll quickly discover resilience in yourself that you never knew you had. 

Formed in pressure, or fire, these are statements that describe the benefits of pushing through struggle. By facing our problems, challenges, and pain, we allow the inner strength inside to emerge. And, when you discover this inner strength, you’ll soon start to feel grateful for all the pain of the past. 

We, humans, tend to have a driving need to become better. Some a further down the road than others, but I believe that everyone starts their day planning to do the best they can. We don’t seek out the struggle, but it is an opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. So, take advantage of this time and push through. You won’t regret it. 

~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia. Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  mailto:Lexis@theJOLTnews.com.