Who am I - the road to self discovery

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis,

People always say how important it is to “know” yourself, but no one seems to have any idea how you go about figuring that out. Do you have any advice on how to approach the process of “getting to know yourself”?

Thanks,

Spiritually Frustrated in Olympia

Dear Spiritually Frustrated,

I understand your confusion, especially given that at least half of the people who give this advice don’t seem to know themselves either. That being said, there is tremendous value in understanding your behaviors and opinions as they will shape your future. 

Thankfully, figuring out who you are isn’t quite as challenging as people make it out to be. I can tell you who you are right now.

You are the observer and creator of your life.

This may not seem particularly helpful at the moment, but it is that simple. 

We tend to think that “you” is some combination of personality traits, beliefs, and behaviors. We say things like “I’m a kind, caring individual”, “I’m a Christian”, or “I’m an accountant”. And while all of these things are true, none of these definitions are lasting. There will be moments when you are angry, therefore not kind or caring, and there will be moments when you act selfishly, therefore not in a Christian manner, and eventually, you will leave your job (whether due to being fired, quitting, or retiring). 

You can add any ending to the words “I am …” and they will all, at some point, be false. And, if these statements are false, they cannot make up “you”. This means that what you are left with is the statement “I am”. 

“I am” is always a true statement. 

No matter what’s going on in your life, you will still exist, and if you believe in an afterlife, even once you die, this statement remains true. 

And while this may seem simplistic at first glance, the more you ponder this concept, the more profound it becomes. “You” is not a set thing, “you” are the individual choosing to live life in the way that you are, “you” have the power to be whatever you want to be. “You” are not your past, “you” are not your pain, and “you” are free to change and move beyond that which has held you back.

There is a downside to this kind of mentality though. When you thought that your past defined who you are, you had the option to blame others for the events you’ve dealt with. You can say that you struggle to get by because of the economy, government, education, etc. But, when you accept your power and take responsibility for your life, you start to realize that you are the only one responsible for the life that you’re currently living. 

You are what you choose to be, so start choosing. 

If you’ve always hated something about yourself, figure out why you’ve adopted that trait. If it doesn’t serve you, choose a different trait and figure out steps to move you toward the person you want to be. It may seem arduous, but step by step you will soon become the person you always dreamed of. 

You are not a prisoner of your past or a slave to nature, you are a powerful creator with the ability to change, grow, and become someone you admire. So, who do you want to be?

~ Lexis Rae

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.  Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com 

EDITOR'S NOTE: The opinions expressed above are those of Alexis Rae Baker and not necessarily of The JOLT or its staff or board of directors. Alexis Rae Baker is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her advice does not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals.