No regrets

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis,

My grandfather died a few years back and I remember him talking about all the regrets he had with life. It didn’t register at the time, but now that I’m older, I’ve noticed a few regrets popping up here and there. How would you recommend living life so that you don’t have regrets in the end?

Thanks,

Looking to change in Lacey

Dear Looking,

Regrets are certainly a challenging subject but in my experience, two steps are required to live your life free of regrets in the end. First, you have to make decisions as your future self and second, you have to forgive yourself for the mistakes of the past. Simple to say, harder to implement. Still, stick to the steps and you’ll find what you seek.

Make decisions as your future self

We all tend to make decisions based on the difficulty at the moment. Asking the girl out is scary, investing in the business is scary, and walking away from the job when you don’t have another source of income is scary.

Fear is generally the primary motivator in anyone’s life. We all like to stick to our comfort zones and we generally approach change with a certain level of apprehension. 

Shifting your perspective is vital if you want to live without regrets. Instead of asking yourself “am I comfortable doing this?” you have to start asking, “will I regret it later, if I don’t do this?”

It can seem like a subtle change, but the difference in questions can make a drastic difference in the results. When you see someone that you’re interested in dating, you’re far more likely to take the scary step if you consider the implications of not doing so in your future. 

This isn’t going to change the results every time. Sometimes the fear is strong enough that even the sense of regret won’t overcome it. These are the moments when you ask another question, “what can I learn from this experience that will help me in the future?” and then move on to the second part of this plan.

Forgive yourself for the mistakes of the past

None of us are perfect and, because of this, we all need a little grace. It’s okay that we aren’t perfect, and we need to recognize that. Our imperfections allow us the opportunity to grow and better ourselves and they also provide us with clarity about what is truly important to us. 

Each failure moves us closer to our ultimate success. When you fall short don’t beat yourself up over it, forgive yourself and find a way to get a little better. Small steps add up over time. Make a simple change that moves you toward your desired goal and then, as time progresses, make additional changes as necessary. Before you know it, the scenario that once scared you won’t phase you at all. 

These two steps combined are an excellent way to live a life free of regret. Living without regret, unlike what most people think, isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about taking risks, yes, but it’s also about forgiving yourself when you fall. Bravery and mercy combined.

I wish you a wonderful life filled with beautiful memories.

Good luck,

~Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia. Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com.