Better communication equals curiosity

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis,

What do you see as the biggest problem with communication?

Thanks,

Curious in Lacey

Dear Curious,

That is an excellent question and one that people should probably consider more often. From my perspective, the greatest issue is the belief that we know what the truth is, or rather that we have all the information.

The tendency is to approach life and conversations, like we’ve thoroughly researched every little perspective that we hold but, for most of us, the beliefs we tout are usually established in our formative years.

We decide whether people are basically good or bad, whether we have the capacity to accomplish our goals, and whether the universe is out to get us or working for us well before we reach our teenage years.

This may not seem hugely important at first glance, but if you consider the impact of these foundational beliefs, you can start to recognize how they shape our lives. If you believe that people are innately greedy and selfish, is it any wonder that you struggle to make friends, build lasting relationships, or trust others to help you in your time of need?

These types of beliefs trickle out in conversation and often lead to contention. You believe that you hold the correct perspective and, when someone disagrees with you, you feel the need to make sure that everyone knows the truth.

The problem is, the chance that you are 100% correct is around 0%. No matter what you believe, the odds are that you are missing a piece of the puzzle, and you likely have no clue how big of a piece that might be. (Prime examples are concepts like the earth being flat vs. round. Once the majority believed the first, but when new information came along, everything shifted.)

But, worse than being wrong, there’s another problem with believing that you know the truth. When you think you have the right of it, you don’t actually listen to what the other person is saying.

It’s a common statement, but the art of conversation really is listening, and you can only really listen if you value what the other person has to say. And the way to do that is by approaching every conversation thinking that the person across from you has a bit of information that you don’t have.

You’ll be surprised by how much you learn along the way.

The world is a much bigger place than most people realize. There’s room for every perspective and belief imaginable. None of us, no matter how young or old, understand the world completely (or even remotely). So, if you’re interested in having better, more interesting conversations, listen to what others have to say and take some time to consider their point of view.

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.  Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com