Advice from a Lexis

Are humans capable of change?


Dear Lexis,

My wife and I have read some of your articles, and we've been trying to implement some of the techniques (meditation and kinesthetic reprogramming), but I've found that I've had minimal success.

My wife seems pleased with her progress, but I don't know how to match it. I think it comes down to the base belief I hold that people don't change. So how would I go about improving myself (such as increased positivity, generosity, or trust in people)?


Struggling to grow


Dear Struggling to grow,

You and I have very different experiences with people. You don't believe people change, but from my perspective, people do little else.

This difference is where I would start, though, if I were in your shoes. The challenge of your perspective right now is that you believe you have the answer, and it does not allow the kind of life you want. Your beliefs are keeping you stuck, and that's a tough place to be.

This particular belief is perhaps one of the hardest to combat because it argues specifically about human capability. Personality and behavioral change like you're discussing don't tend to happen without a lot of work: it's usually easier to not change and just find people who love you as you are, which is the option that many people pick. Because of the difficulty involved in change, at least positive change, I can understand why you would believe that people don't change or that change is rare. All the data has said that change is unlikely, and it's challenging to fight the proof you've spent a lifetime gathering. But, as Henry Ford said, "whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right."

If change is truly something you desire, you may have to ignore what logic tells you. And if you take the time to look, you may discover that the world holds more possibilities than you realized.

Start looking for what you don't know. Ask yourself questions like, "is it possible that things aren't the way I think they are?". Consider concepts like the placebo effect, how the mind can cause our bodies to heal from things we didn't think it could heal from. The more that you open yourself up to the possibility that you don't know the whole story, the more you will allow yourself the freedom to believe that you are more capable than you ever realized.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable, and I understand if this is not something you want to do, but this has been a tremendous avenue for change within my own life. I feel that I have grown leaps and bounds in a very short period and, while I still have my struggles, I have found a tremendous sense of freedom and clarity in the endeavor.

We all like to know what the future holds. We like to have the answers. But, if we remain in our comfort zone, we're unlikely to grow. Embracing uncertainty to any degree is uncomfortable, but it opens up our lives in so many unique and exciting ways. And while there will always be changes you aren't yet ready to make, perhaps this practice will at least allow you the option to know that such change is possible for you.

Best of luck,

~ Lexis

Alexis Rae Baker writes from her home in Olympia. 

Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Write to Lexis at 


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