Thursday, October 1, 2026
Dementia is one of the most challenging conditions elders must face. For many elders, the prospect of losing one’s memory and independence is the most frightening prospect imaginable.
While there are cases of early onset dementia, we know that the chances for dementia increase with age, with close to 25% of people 85+ being affected. To follow that statistic, it is estimated that the 85+ population is expected to increase by 259% over the next 25 years!
The Annual South Sound Dementia Conference, produced by Senior Action Network, was held at the Lacey Community Center on May 29.
Sponsors included 31 service providers, including the Lewis Mason Thurston Area Agency on Aging, elder counseling, financial planning, assisted living, memory care, adult family homes, in-home caregiving and medical supplies. The space was filled with attendees who had an opportunity to learn about dementia, and the best ways to support sufferers and their caregivers.
The effects of dementia not only isolate people with the condition, but often their family caregivers who must remain at home to ensure that their loved ones are safe. People with formerly full social lives often drop out of sight as a result of their caregiving responsibilities.
In the case of life partners, the new roles can cause a great strain on the relationship as the caregiver assumes almost a parental role in having to remain vigilant to prevent physical harm to their person, or their property. It’s easy to imagine pots on stove-tops left unattended leading to fires and smoke damage, or sinks or baths left running causing flooding damage.
The person providing the care can become resentful of the constant demands on their time and attention, and the person receiving the care can resent being treated like a child.
Respite care is an important aid in providing relief to both. As a paid caregiver, I had an assignment in which I took the husband with dementia for three hours twice a week. We walked around Tumwater Falls, ate pizza and talked as peers; his wife had time to relax and unwind from the stress of constant vigilance. It was a win, win, win scenario.
Another option for respite care are programs, such as Brighter Days program at the Lacey Senior Center.
The Lewis Mason Thurston Area Agency on Aging has a Family Caregiver Support (FCS) team that offers a Dementia Support Group (DSG), Powerful Tools for Caregivers, and Star-C counseling which provides dementia education, teaches problem-solving strategies, and offers targeted training for managing communication issues, difficult behaviors, or caregiver anxiety and depression. Star-C is for people who are clients of the FCS program; the DSG and Powerful Tools for Caregivers are open to anyone.
The FCS team also offers consults to anyone who has questions and doesn't know where to start. Click here for info or call (360) 664-2168.
The end stages of dementia can result in the patient being unable to communicate, feed or toilet themselves. This can last for months or even years. This can be a terribly emotionally and financially draining situation, in which each day consists of feeding (the chewing and swallowing reflexes can continue long after control of other parts of the body are gone), providing personal hygiene, changing soiled briefs a few times a day and repositioning the patient every two hours to prevent pressure sores.
If this is not a manner of living which you want for yourself, or your loved ones, it is imperative that you create an advance directive stating that you want to stop feeding and fluids at such time as you cannot communicate, or feed yourself. This must be done before dementia is too far advanced to be legally valid. Find advance directive forms pertaining specifically to dementia here.
You will also want to appoint a medical power of attorney who understands your wishes and will fight for you when you cannot.
Family caregivers are the hidden, unsung heroes doing unbelievably difficult and important work — they should not be forgotten. If you have a friend or neighbor dealing with dementia, either as a caregiver, or a sufferer, consider reaching out to lend an ear or helping hand. Just knowing someone is aware of our struggles is validating and can make a huge difference.
Twosdays @ Tumwater Falls: Tuesday, June 9, at 2 p.m. Join us every second Tuesday. We intend to create a space for elders in our communities to come together to socialize and share their stories, challenges and coping strategies. Walk the beautiful paths, or just sit at one of many benches and picnic tables and talk.
Over the Edge: Saturday, June 13, at noon in Huntamer Park, Lacey. Don't miss Senior Services third annual "Over The Edge" event. Watch as supporters rappel down a building to raise money for Senior Services!
Glenn Harper provides support in aging and end of life. He is Chair of the Lewis Mason Thurston rea Agency on Aging Advisory Council and a board member of the Senior Action Network. He facilitates several free Death Cafe and Elderhood Roundtable gatherings in the area where Elders are invited to talk about difficult topics in a nonjudgmental space. Send him your comments and suggestions at glenn@theJOLTnews.com
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Annierae
Thank you for this thoughtful piece. It brought back memories of watching my father care for his wife through Alzheimer's. The physical demands were enormous, but what struck me most was the isolation. Family caregivers carry an incredible burden, often quietly and without recognition. My gratitude goes out to all those walking this difficult path, and to those who take the time to support them with a listening ear, a kind word, or a helping hand.
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