Kinship and 'grandfamilies'

The word kinship originally referred to blood relatives in a family, but has grown to encompass any group of people with a strong bond or a shared affinity. 

A feeling of kinship is one of the most desirable psychological states to which we can aspire. Attributes of kinship are belonging, affection, empathy and validation — a sense that we’re seen, understood and valued. Elderhood can foster kinship and community because of shared experiences — “the years teach much which the days never know." 

The opposite of kinship is alienation — the feeling of being an isolated individual confronted by attacks from a hostile world. This unpleasant mental state seems to be what all our major media outlets want to encourage. What is packaged as individual liberty is really self-centered alienation, leading to exhaustion from attacking, defending and acquiring enough to be safe from the big bad world and the wrong types of people. 

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” 

― Albert Einstein  

 In today’s world, kinship also denotes an increasingly common family arrangement in which grandparents are raising grandchildren. These situations are sometimes called “grandfamilies,” and can include other relatives, or close family friends. 

An estimated 43,000 grandparents and other relatives are raising around 53,000 children in Washington state, meaning roughly 1 in 50 children live in these kinship care arrangements. (1) 

About 90  to 91 percent of these relative caregivers are grandparents. (2) 

The vast majority of these families (roughly 90 percent) operate informally outside the formal child welfare or foster care system. (3) 

Washington ranks 5fifth in the nation for grandfamily-friendly laws and policies according to reports from Washington State DSHS. (4)

Washington is not alone in experiencing a growth in kinship families. Many factors can result in biological parents being unable to raise their own children.

Among these are: 

Substance abuse 

Parental incarceration 

Mental and physical illness 

Child abuse and neglect 

Economic instability 

Family disruption 

Regardless of the causes, these new family formations can have both benefits and drawbacks. 

Benefits might include greater financial resources, time and patience. I’ve often thought it would be better if our prime reproductive years came after the stage of life when we’re actively trying to make something of ourselves, at the same time we’re trying to make a life for our little ones. 

Drawbacks could be reduced physical energy, living on a fixed income, or feelings of resentment that one’s golden years have been stolen. My observation has been most children are brought into the world in a less than intentional manner and, though great care goes into their upbringing, the promise of having the time in your twilight years for yourself is a fond hope. 

Grandfamilies & Kinship Support Network (GKSN), is a national technical assistance center that provides resources and training to help communities and providers better serve kinship caregivers. To date, GKSN has developed more than 160 original resources, responded to nearly 1,400 requests for help, and reached more than 61,000 stakeholders through outreach and presentations.  

A local organization supporting kinship families is Family Education & Support Services.

From their website:  

"While extended families have always helped with child rearing, a growing number of grandparents and extended family are becoming primary caregivers. 

Our Kinship Navigators Program works to advance activities and trainings that support Kinship care providers, their families, and the professionals who work with them. These programs are supported in part by the Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging and the Department of Social and Health Services, Aging and Disability Services Administration.” 

Coming up this week in the Elderhood

 On Sept. 30 at 6 p.m. at the Olympia Senior Center, with Halloween just around the corner, a special screening of "Silver Screamers," a heartwarming and spine-tingling documentary that follows a spirited group of senior citizens, who set out to make a horror film, stepping far outside their comfort zones.

Along the way, they discover newfound confidence, forge meaningful friendships, and prove that creativity knows no age. "Silver Screamers" is a joyful celebration of second acts and fearless reinvention. Check it out here. To watch a trailer of the documentary, click here.

Glenn Harper provides support in aging and end of life. He is Chair of the Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging Advisory Council and board member of the Senior Action Network. He facilitates several free Death Cafe and Elderhood Roundtable gatherings in the area where Elders are invited to talk about difficult topics in a nonjudgmental space. Learn more about these events here.