The Place for Empathy

Alexis Rae Baker

Opinion

The Young and the News

Dear Reader,

I recently read the comments on my recent posts, namely the article referencing the war in Ukraine. I was surprised by the reactions, although perhaps I shouldn’t have been.

I understand that many people feel that we should all care deeply about world events . My perspective, that this kind of focus is not helpful, is an unpopular one at best.

It would seem that many believe that I recommend not having empathy, but I tend to approach situations with one question in mind: “Is this perspective helping or hindering me?”

Empathy is a wonderful thing, a gift really. Empathy is vital in human interaction and allows us to connect in meaningful ways. However, empathy, like guilt or anger, can be utilized incorrectly (or in a way that hinders us). From my perspective, the anger people feel over the war in Ukraine is a clear example of empathy gone wild. People who were not used to my consistent recommendation that each of us focus on our own lives viewed my suggestion as lacking empathy and lashed out.

Ironically, this reaction, while understandable, lacked empathy.

There are at least two perspectives in every situation, usually more. Each view has reasoning, rationale, and emotion behind it, and each stand holds value. And while it can be hard to understand why someone might feel the way they do, you actually increase your ability to feel empathy by figuring out where they are coming from.

Like one reader, in particular, I went through many emotions when reading the comments. While perhaps I should have expected a reaction, I was not expecting to feel so much judgment and condemnation in regard to my comments.

I understand that people want to keep up with the events of the world around them. Unfortunately, this is a perspective that has never made sense to me as, in my experience, it just seems to lead to anger, depression, and fear. I actually wrote an article on this topic when I first started writing for The JOLT. 

I’m aware that people may call me naive, stupid, ignorant or lacking in experience because of this kind of perspective, but I feel that this type of information needs to be shared.

It’s scary, no doubt, to face this kind of judgment every week, and I can’t say that some of the comments didn’t impact me. However, I still feel that this side of the argument has a value that others need to consider, try to understand, accept and allow.

Some may be discouraged or dissuaded by my words and refuse to read my articles. Some may hate me. This is a reality I had to come to terms with long before I started writing for The JOLT.

Given the positive feedback I’ve received, though, and the stories shared with me as a result of my work, I believe I’m doing the right thing.

The funny part

The funniest part of all of this though is that every commenter is actually fighting for the same thing that I am, just in a different way. We’re all looking for peace, acceptance, love and a better life for everyone.

Yes, we are all impacted by this terrible war . (Maybe all of us except Putin, or anyone who shares his perspective). The world is filled with fear.  Gas prices are on the rise, too.

Personally, I don’t know of any way that I can help and make a difference other than what I’m already doing. Knowing all the ways things can get worse (i.e., knowing what kinds of weapons could come into play or speculating about what happens tomorrow) does not fix or help the problem in any way.

We don’t necessarily know what will help and what will hurt things. I’m sure many believe that multiple countries sending troops, guns, and supplies to Ukraine is a good thing, but this just creates more war in many ways. Providing aid, funding, and housing for refugees could be an option, but there doesn’t seems to be much opportunity to aid in this way either.

With no feasible plan of action, the only thing a focus on this war does is cause stress, fear, guilt, anger and depression. These emotions cause physical ailments within the body over time, meaning that you are physically harming yourself by focusing on this issue. I cannot, nor will I ever, recommend that you do something that I know harms you.

I understand that this feels “wrong” to a lot of people. We feel like we should care about others but get overwhelmed by their pain. When that happens, you have to shift your focus or suffer as a consequence.

If you can focus on the war between Russia and Ukraine and just feel motivated to set a plan into action, by all means, focus on the war. If speaking out or marching for peace makes you feel more in control, by all means, do those things. If, however, like most of us, you feel negatively when you focus on the war and don’t see a viable path forward, please shift your focus elsewhere.

Let me say it again, for anyone else who felt as I did when reading through comments:  

You are not a bad person for choosing to focus on your own life.

Hopefully, no one will ever know that you’ve decided not to worry about something outside your control. However, if you do receive judgment, know that I am behind you. Choosing not to focus on the war does not mean you lack empathy. It just means that you are choosing to take responsibility for your own wellbeing (the most important, and first, step in taking care of others).

You cannot suffer enough to make someone else well.

Your suffering does not help anyone.

Perhaps the time will come when we can take action that inspires or creates peace once again, but until that time, do what you feel you need to do to keep yourself healthy (and happy if you can manage). In the end, things will get better; such is the nature of life. While we may not understand it, everything happens for a reason and, in time, we will begin to understand the bigger picture.

I hope this has provided some clarity and perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read through this and for your efforts to understand my perspective (I know that I have some controversial opinions).

Smile and be happy (as you deserve to be).

~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.   Got a question about life, relationships, spirit?  Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com