ADVICE FROM A LEXIS

Teen troubles

Posted

Dear Lexis,

 My daughter has been exhibiting some questionable behavior lately and I think it has to do with the people she hangs out with. She’s always been something of a people pleaser but her choice of friends hasn’t been the greatest. I would like to help her make better choices but, of course, I’m mom so she doesn’t listen. Do you have any advice that could help?

 Thanks,

~ Worried mom in Oly

Dear Worried,

It’s a tough place to be sure, one that most parents experience at one time or another. When we’re young, it can be very difficult to understand just how big of impact decisions we make can have on our futures.

Fortunately, most children make it through unscathed (for the most part) so I hope you can find some comfort in that.

As far as getting her to listen to your advice, I suggest utilizing questions. Young men and women start testing out their life training in middle and high school, so they tend to ignore external input. However, by utilizing questions you can gently guide them to a place of reflection which usually leads to better decisions.

A question you could pose is: “Do you think the perspective of your friends is more important, or the opinion of your family?”

Or: “ What decisions can you make today that will provide you with the life you want?”

She may still dismiss you, but questions like this tend to linger. As time goes on, they will continue to percolate and will likely lead to better decisions.

The biggest thing to remember right now though is that you have already provided your daughter with the tools she needs. Middle school and high school are our opportunities to test out the life map we’ve been given, that’s why we don’t respond well to outside input. Trust that you have done your job well and that your daughter knows what she needs to know to make it through.

I know it’s difficult to watch someone struggle, but it’s through struggle that we learn the most.

It takes a certain level of maturity to realize that it’s the opinion of the people we’re closest to that matter the most. And while it’s often a lesson we learn through the loss of a friend, questions like the ones above can help solidify the message without the destruction.

Remember to take deep breaths, surrender, and trust.

You both have what you need to get through this.

I wish you a smooth transition and endless luck.

~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.   Got a question about life, relationships, spirit?  Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com 

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