The Sage Connection

Snow, in July, for families affected by dementia

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I called my sister, who lives in Phoenix, the other day to wish her a happy birthday. She was diagnosed several years ago with Alzheimer’s Disease and has steadily gone downhill in the past year.

She has a hard time finding her words, wanting to send her love to the family, but she is unable to say it. I was in tears by the time I hung up.

My sister is four years younger than me. Our mother had Alzheimer’s, too and I have no idea why, so far, it has skipped me. I don’t think you ever get over your loved one not recognizing you when you walk into the room.

I did a lot of work with the Alzheimer’s Association when I lived in Texas and have taken several of Teepa Snow’s online video courses. Teepa is my hero. The things she shares with caregivers are invaluable and made a big difference in my approach working with dementia patients.

It seems strange to me that I had the patience and ability to work with memory loss patients and still be so emotional when it is my loved one who is slipping away.

I know the stages. I know the medications that help slow it down somewhat, but I also know the end result, and I hate it. I hate that it takes away their joy and quality of life. I hate what it does to the family and friends. And I hate the fact that there is still no cure.

The memories they retain are from younger days, but unfortunately, these memories aren’t always happy ones. Fear and sadness often take over, and it is hard to watch even when you didn’t know the person before the disease took over.

Thurston County has several memory care facilities, and I take my hat off to those dedicated caregivers who share the end stage of lives with those who often become like friends or family.

In my previous work, I was always drawn to those individuals who had no family in the area. The ones who were found on the streets or removed from their homes and couldn’t tell us who they were or where they came from.

Sometimes, little pieces of their lives would return to them, leading to more questions. What were their stories?

I worked for several individuals with PhDs, held patents, and wrote books – almost of all of which I learned from family members.

One such fellow lived at home with his wife. Once a week, I drove him to the country, just because he enjoyed it. We would end our outing at the local ice cream parlor. The following week, when I returned, he would meet me for the first time.

If you have a loved one you care for at home, check out Teepa Snow’s YouTube channel. She does live seminars all over the country but also gives video classes online. The more you know the better.

If you think the time has come for in-home help or a memory care facility, you have many choices. I encourage you to do your homework first.

Check out the agencies or facilities with the Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging and Adult Protective Services. Background checks are a must and should be done yearly.

And remember to take care of yourself. 

Kathleen Anderson writes this column each week from her home in Olympia.  Contact her at  kathleen@theJOLTnews.com or post your comment below. 

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