Advice from a Lexis

Overwhelmed by life


Dear Lexis,

I find myself overwhelmed by life. Things just seem to keep going wrong and there doesn’t appear to be an end in sight. I know that a lot of people wind up feeling this way and it can sometimes lead to suicide, so I would like to get ahead of the issue before that happens. What would you suggest I do?


Beaten in Olympia

Dear Beaten,

I understand your frustration and disappointment. No matter how much you’ve worked on self-development or mental control, there are times when the world will still get the best of you. No one is immune to struggle; I am certainly no exception.

Life, by its nature, tends to hit us exactly where it hurts the most. Life hits us over and over again until we change our behavior. It is quite unfortunate that many commit suicide as a result of this nature, especially given that all that is required is surrender.

In my opinion, we are here on earth to grow, to experience the wonder that is physical life. And while philosophies differ on the specifics, I doubt that anyone would argue that particular point. We have been given a unique gift as well, called consciousness, and while this gift allows us to marvel at beauty, it is also responsible for the hurt, anger, and dejection we feel when things don’t go the way we want them to.

Humans have the unique ability to look into the future and project what will occur next. As survival is instinctive, this usually means we speculate about what might go wrong and try to mitigate potential disasters. This tendency will, in time, always lead to stress and fear.

And while I cannot fault anyone for preparing for the worst-case scenario, we often forget that dawn always returns even after the darkest of nights.

Life, while seemingly harsh, is working for our benefit. Life is a wrecking ball, it smashes through the walls we need to destroy to allow the splendor of new development to take place. It hurts, and it’s not fun, but it is necessary and, ultimately, leads to a greater joy than we could have ever experienced if we’d remained the same.

My nature tends to reflect a wrecking ball as well, so I know firsthand that true happiness lies on the other side of our protective barriers.

It is no fun to know that someone is hurting because of what you’ve said, but risking that relationship and pain, in the hopes of bringing someone closer to the life they want, is the job. My guess is life, if it had feelings, would say the same.

So, while you may feel stuck, know that your future happiness will make all of this pain worth it in the end. Take some deep breaths, close your eyes, and lay down the burdens you have been carrying.

I know it may feel like that is not an option. You may feel that too many people are depending on you. I completely understand. But the truth is, you will be much more capable of being the kind of person your friends and family need once you release the strain of trying to hold the world together. Let the walls fall and focus instead on what kind of creation will take its place.

Life is working for you too, remember that. Trust that while you may not see the light, it is there just waiting for you to step forward. I know it’s hard and that it seems like a risk to let things take place on their own. Trust me, I have been there hundreds of times myself. However, once your release the reigns, everything starts to work the way it was always meant to.

We want to be in control, we want to know how tomorrow will go, and we fear that by letting go we will doom ourselves to a much worse fate than what we’re currently experiencing. It can be extremely hard to believe that we will get what we want and need if we aren’t out there making sure that we will. But, it is all there waiting for us, calling us gently forward, telling us to trust that things will work out.

You will eventually give in to the call, it’s inevitable, so why not ease the burden now and surrender to the beauty that waits ahead.

I wish you relief and happiness,

~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.   Got a question about life, relationships, spirit?  Visit her at or write to Lexis at 


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  • TiaPino

    Call someone! I can't vouch for these speicifcally, but the state and many others have hotlines for these kinds of situations. I think the best-case scenario would be to find a therapist you like and talk it over with them. You may not need them forever, but it would be a good way to get ahead. I know it can be hard to access. Your work might have an EAP program. You might have spiritual leaders you can trust. Look for the best-seeming option, test the waters, and move on if it doesn't feel right. Keep trying.

    You might try this one, to start, for Thurston County: Thurston-Mason BH-ASO 1-800-270-0041

    Tuesday, April 12 Report this

  • TiaPino

    Here's a more comprehensive list. I hope this helps get you in the right direction.

    Tuesday, April 12 Report this