Loss of a beloved pet

Trish Lynn and Thom Donitz with friends.

The JOLT News Staff

We almost hesitated to write about this topic because it talks about the profound sadness we experience when we lose a beloved pet, but it is a topic that any pet owner has had to go through at one time or another. The grief we feel for our pet that has crossed over the rainbow is unmeasurable.   

Losing a pet can be extremely painful. Many of us share an immense love and bond with our pets. For us, a pet is not “just a dog” or “just a cat,” but rather a beloved member of our family, bringing companionship, fun and joy to our lives.  

A pet can add structure to your day, keep you active and social, help you to overcome setbacks and challenges in your life, and even provide a sense of meaning or purpose. So, when a cherished pet dies, it’s normal to feel racked by grief and loss. 

“The pain of loss can often feel overwhelming and trigger all sorts of painful and difficult emotions. While some people may not understand the depth of feeling you had for your pet, you should never feel guilty or ashamed about grieving for your pet.”  (the previous two paragraphs were written by Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.) 

Before we go any further, on a personal note and one in which I, Trish Lynn, hope you don’t mind me sharing is about one of the many pets I have had in my life. In fact, except for a few teen years, I can’t remember not having a pet.  

My Maggie was a beautiful Black Lab pup when we got her and at the age of 6, she died of cancer. We tried chemo, but it had already spread too far for any further treatment. We had to make the decision to put her to sleep so she wouldn’t endure any further pain. It was the worst day of my life.  

I have had many, many pets but she hit me the worst. She was a gentle, exceptional dog with a huge personality that everyone loved, and she loved everybody. Sometimes, even months later, the tears would come out of nowhere. Even years after a loss, a sight, a sound, or a special anniversary can spark memories that trigger a strong sense of grief. 

They say there are several stages of grief and sadness you go through, but the stages are unique to you alone. I felt sadness that I thought couldn’t possibly go away, guilt, denial, anger, mainly at the dog food industry, and how it will affect my other two dogs.  

After a few weeks, I created a memorial in photos, boxes of ashes and mementos that are in a bookcase so that I can visit all my lost pets and even the ones that were family members’ pets that I loved dearly. I still say goodnight to pictures of my last four pets every night. All I can say is that it does get easier with time, but don’t let anyone try and tell you when that time should be.   

Be patient with yourself and don’t put pressure on yourself to “get over it” quickly. The experience of loss is different for everyone. Don’t try to push your feelings away, or think you are crazy for crying so much.  

The truth is the strongest thing you can do is to allow yourself the space to cry. Crying through our pain allows our body the chance to work at reducing stress levels.  

Accept your feelings, don’t try to bottle up your emotions, share your grief with friends or family that have felt the same kind of pain and will understand your sorrow or at least listen. You might even consider a pet loss support group. Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can be incredibly validating. In fact, attempts to suppress or deny grief are just as likely to prolong the process of healing. 

“While experiencing loss is an inevitable part of owning a pet, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and when the time is right, perhaps even open your heart to another animal companion.”  (“Coping with Losing a Pet” by Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.) 

 “Paws for Thought” 

“Having a pet is a risk — you always have grief ahead, but that’s the flip side of love.”  Unknown 

Thom Donitz and Trish Lynn are neighbors and close friends who share their love of animals and wildlife. Trish and Thom are residents of Tumwater. Contact them at  pets@theJOLTnews.com.