Learning to read emotions and find clarity about the future

Alexis Rae Baker

 Dear Lexis,

My husband has a really hard time understanding his emotions. It wouldn’t be a problem except for this lack of clarity makes it really hard for him to make decisions. He says that he doesn’t have any passions and doesn’t know what he wants from the future. I’m not sure why this tends to cause tension in our relationship; maybe it’s because things feel unstable because of this. 

If you know of ways to help him clarify his desire and connect with his emotions, I would be truly grateful.

Thanks,

          ~ Worried

Dear Worried,

I can relate to what your husband is going through and I can understand how frustrating it is for both of you. In my experience, such situations are often caused by high levels of empathy.

What’s an empath?

In my own experience, it’s like being in a swimming pool where every wave comes in contact with you. While most people can hold their own and aren’t affected as strongly by the waves of others, empaths tend to have varying density, the default being low density, or receptive mode. In receptive mode, every wave has the potential to knock them over and their own emotional waves and significantly lower in power, therefore harder to read. It can be a very confusing situation. Increasing density requires training, but it also allows for greater influence over the emotions of others, another double-edged sword.

The best practice for empaths is meditation. Taking time in silence can help sift through the noise and find the guiding inner voice. But, meditation is just step one, the next step is to start asking questions (ideally, he will start asking these questions of himself but you asking can start the process).

1. What are you willing to sacrifice and what aren’t you willing to sacrifice?

Figuring out what things are most important to you is an essential first step in self-discovery. This question can be narrowed down or broad, but the most accessible place to start is with the six avenues of life: physical, mental, emotional, relational, spiritual, and financial.

My former church had a saying: “Place God first in all things.”Whether you agree with this statement or not, it indicates a preference for spiritual wellbeing above everything else. From another angle, putting your spiritual wellbeing first could mean getting yourself mentally prepared via meditation to present your best foot forward in every other situation. So, you need to figure out what each of these avenues are for you.

Most people believe that their relationships should come before their financial wellbeing, but it is easy to get caught up in a rush for gold, which is why the question of sacrifice is essential. When it comes down to it, what would you rather have? Is spiritual connection more important than relationships? Are relationships more important than money? What about your mental health vs. your physical health? Find the order that matches you, and you’re one step closer to understanding your own mind.

2. Would you rather…?

Similar to the first question, this one considers specific situations more intensely. Would you rather paint the wall purple or blue? Would you rather spend the money to buy a comfortable bed or deal with the one you already have? Knowing the order of avenues above can help in regard to this question and now you can start to narrow down your options. Would you rather work in construction or transportation? Would you rather bring home the bacon or raise the children?

3. What matters most?

This question further clarifies the above two. Consider each of the specific scenarios and consider which ones mean the most to you. Is it more important to figure out what kind of job you want, or is it more important to plan your next vacation? The answers to this may seem obvious at first, but don’t just accept the cultural expectation. Consider what matters to you more.

While these questions aren’t easy, they will make a huge difference in your and your husband’s life as you continue to consider them. The more you think about it, the greater the clarity you will have, and the easier it will be to make decisions in your life.

Best of luck,

          ~ Lexis

Alexis Rae Baker writes from her home in Olympia.  Write to her  at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com