Increasing tolerance in society

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis,

I have a family member who views herself as an activist. She attends the political rallies, walks on behalf of those she views as oppressed, and stands behind the "little guy" in any way that she can. I admire that she wants to make the world a better place, and I applaud her attempts to fix what she views as wrong, but she and I often butt heads.

You see, she believes that she has the truth. She believes that her way is the correct way and everyone who lives a different way is either dense, stupid, or stubborn. 

Despite the difficulty in sitting through dinner with her, I love her and want to keep her in my life.  Any advice?

          ~ Dismayed in Maytown

Dear Dissed,

Continuing with the theme of the month, the answer must have something to do with acceptance and tolerance. These are kind of ironic subjects to me because most people who tout acceptance and tolerance are very intolerant of people who disagree with their perspective.

Over the past few years, many subjects have come into the public sector for discussion. The most recent trend seems to be revolving around abortion. All of these subjects, whether racial, sexual, or biological, tend to be trigger points for people on either side of the argument. You have your vehement pro-lifers and your die-hard pro-choicers, for example.

And while I do believe it's good to have a healthy discussion about these sensitive topics, often we reach a point where both sides believe themselves correct and, therefore, no longer listen to the other side. They become intolerant of the other person's perspective. This is where the problems begin.

People tend to be steadfast in their belief structures especially when talking about sensitive subjects. This is primarily because these topics are so rarely discussed. When people feel unsure they tend to put up a front of strength. We do this because, when we didn't have an answer in the past, we were humiliated for it (thank you, school and peer pressure). It's not okay for us to say "I don't know" or "I'll have to think about it" at this point, so we all tend to pick a side and then hunker down behind our shields. In other words, we stop listening.

It's a no-win scenario and generally on a topic that doesn't necessarily impact the people discussing the issue. Chose to be pro, and people will attack you for it. Choose to be against it, people will attack you for it. Choose to abstain, people will attack you for it. And why? Because none of them are sure what the right answer is. Or worse, they think they do have the right answer.

This is a problem that I've faced on many occasions. Several family members believe they know how I should live my life (I'm sure none of you know what that's like). As an entrepreneurial spirit, it can be horrifically damaging for me to live life like everyone else, but that doesn't stop people from telling me that I'm living my life wrong. 

If we took this scenario and made two political groups about it, you would wind up with those fighting for freedom and those fighting for security. Different people would choose their side based on which is more important to them. But, can you be free without some form of security? Or, can you feel secure if there is no escape or sense of freedom?

In every scenario, the answer we seek almost always lies somewhere between the two extremes. Many people believe that there is only one right path, but from my perspective, there are many. There is no "one answer" that will work for everybody. Part of this world's beauty is that we differ from each other. We will never agree on everything, nor would we want to. 

There is value in every perspective if you're willing to take the time to look for it, and it is only by taking the time to understand the other side that we stand a chance of making lasting changes in the world. If you want a more tolerant world (and you want to continue your relationship with your relative), start by recognizing that someone else has a right to disagree with you and they may have some information that you don't.

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.   Got a question about life, relationships, spirit?  Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com