Advice from a Lexis

How to plan for a difficult conversation

Posted

Dear Lexis,

 My boss has been a real jerk lately. He tells me to redo work that he would approve from anyone else and says that I'm incompetent and unable to do my assigned work.

 It seems like he's trying to get me fired, and I'm worried that he will succeed. Do you have any advice on how I should handle this situation?

 Thanks,

           ~Gaslit 

Dear Gaslit,

It sounds like you're dealing with a very challenging situation. It's impossible to know how things will play out or what might cause a problem. I'm glad that you aren't taking this lying down and have decided to do what you can to stand up for yourself. It takes courage to fight for what you know is right. Kudos. 

I have a friend going through a similar situation. Life seems to be telling him to fight back, but how he's supposed to do that is unclear. As someone who's never really struggled with standing up for myself, it was hard for me to pinpoint the steps I took to prep for such scenarios in my own life. Thankfully, I have a wise mother, and she gave me some advice that I can now pass to you.

As I'm sure you've guessed, pretty much any path forward requires confrontation; whether with your boss, your boss's boss, or the people you choose to interview with for a new position. You might prefer the kind of confrontation that an interview provides, but it's likely problems like this will follow you. With that in mind, it's probably best to start at the root of the problem and speak with your boss. The best way to prepare for this discussion is to play out various scenarios beforehand, in your mind.

If you can visualize the discussion in your head, you're probably going to have an easier time with this but, if you can't, there are various questions you can ask yourself as you go.

1)  Start by figuring out what you want to say

"What do I want to say?"

Bear in mind that your first script might be a little more vehement than what you want in the long run (swearing and anger). This is a wonderful starting point, but once you figure out the main points, work to find a way to state the problem in a rational, controlled manner.

2)  Consider the worst-case scenario

"What is the worst outcome/reaction of the other?"

It's best to start with the worst-case scenario first because it provides you with a sense of calm if you wind up in a heated argument. Not only that, but because it shows you that no result is really that bad. No matter what happens, through this exercise, you'll know you can handle it.

3)  Consider the best-case scenario

"What is the best outcome or reaction?"

Considering the best-case scenario sets you up to have a smooth, productive conversation. By having the best-case scenario in mind, you open yourself up and allow the other person to bring their best self to the table as well. You are also more likely to get what you want if you allow for the possibility of the best-case scenario.

4)  Consider the most likely scenario

"What's most likely to happen?"

Now is the moment where you bring yourself back toward the middle. More than likely things won't go as well, or as bad, as you considered. There will be aspects of both the best- and worst-case scenarios, so now is your chance to practice shifting between the two to respond to the change.

Cover your bases, play things out in as many ways as you need to, to feel confident that you can handle the other's reaction while keeping a level head.

5)  Make an appointment or set a time to discuss

Now that you've prepped, it's time to implement. Figure out when the other is available and set up a meeting.   

Keep your head up, your points in mind, and be confident. From here you will either see an improvement, or you will have more clarity about your next step.

I'm proud of you and wish you luck,

~ Lexis

Alexis Rae Baker writes from her home in Olympia.  Write to her at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com 

 

Comments

No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here