Gay wedding: Should I stay home or go?

Dear Lexis,

 My granddaughter is getting married. To another girl. And while I know this is a fairly common thing at this point, I do not support this kind of relationship. Still, I love my granddaughter and want her to be happy. But, since I don’t support her choice of lifestyle I’m struggling with whether or not I should attend the wedding. Do you have any advice to help me with this dilemma?

 Thanks,

           ~ Struggling in Lacey

 Dear Struggling,

Yes, I do have some thoughts. My family faced a similar scenario a few years back when my cousin got married. In a family primarily consisting of Catholics, or other Christian religious groups, the concept of homosexual marriage was not highly rejoiced over. Like you, most of my family felt that attending the wedding ceremony meant that they were approving of the concept of gay or lesbian marriage.

From my perspective, there’s a difference between supporting someone you love and approving their decisions. The way I got my family members to consider this concept was by posing the question: “if this was your son/daughter, would you go?” Almost everyone said yes.

Now, you could potentially say no to this question, but it doesn’t change the fact that most people would still attend the ceremony if it was for their child and that says something quite powerful.

Disapproving someone’s decisions is fine and if you feel the need to talk to them about it in private, that is certainly your right. Support, however, is more about being there when someone needs you, whether you like their decisions or not. You might choose to think about this as if you got a 2 a.m. call from a friend, asking you to bail them out of jail. Obviously, in that case, they didn’t make the best decision, but they need you and you know it.

So, if you want to maintain or build a relationship with your granddaughter, then I would highly recommend that you attend the ceremony. Doing so does not mean that you agree with her decisions, it merely means that you appreciate her as a person and want to be a part of the important moments in her life.

Attending the wedding doesn’t mean you have to change your perspective. You do not have to go out and sing the praises of gay, lesbian, or bisexual people. You don’t have to march on behalf of equality for those with alternate sexual preferences. You don’t even need to associate with gay or lesbian people if it makes you uncomfortable.

You can still disagree with this alternate lifestyle decision if that is your choice. Just like your granddaughter, you get to choose how you live your life. That’s not to say that you won’t receive judgment, just that you are free to be who you are.

From my perspective, when it comes down to it, don’t worry so much about what this decision means for you individually, and instead ask yourself what kind of relationship you want with your granddaughter. If you want her in your life, be a part of hers, whatever that means.

Hope this helps and I hope you find your answer.

I wish you luck with your decision,

         ~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.   Got a question about life, relationships, spirit?  Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com