Call someone! I can't vouch for these speicifcally, but the state and many others have hotlines for these kinds of situations. I think the best-case scenario would be to find a therapist you like and talk it over with them. You may not need them forever, but it would be a good way to get ahead. I know it can be hard to access. Your work might have an EAP program. You might have spiritual leaders you can trust. Look for the best-seeming option, test the waters, and move on if it doesn't feel right. Keep trying.
You might try this one, to start, for Thurston County: Thurston-Mason BH-ASO 1-800-270-0041
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